“Life will give you whatever experience is most helpful for the evolution of your consciousness. How do you know this is the experience you need? Because this is the experience you are having at the moment.” Eckhart Tolle
Researching everything AS became my respite from the end of 2010 through all of 2011. You name it I researched it. I never thought to do this before and honestly believed the doctors would heal me, eventually. My gut wasn’t getting better and my back was starting to get stiff more frequently. I read research reports and began looking at blogs. What I found was that what most people experienced with their AS diagnosis I did not. I guess my AS had been in remission for many years. But why now, what activated it? There was nothing I researched that could answer my questions.
In February the “Man” and I got married. Thinking that this might help solve our problems and his relentless pursuance of better life together I conceded. There were the good time, but then again some days were not so good and marital bliss escaped me. When I felt good, life was good but when I felt bad, the “Man” would continue to berate me for not being able to do everything he liked to do.
The end of June we went out to the coast to see family. My irritable gut decided to go with us. Traveling was horrible and the pain in my back decided to make an appearance as well. We got to Seattle to stay with my sister and she put us up in her spare room. The bed was rock hard so I ended sleeping on the couch. I remember when I was first diagnosed that it was recommended that sleeping should be done on a firm mattress. I couldn’t do it then and I sure couldn’t do it now…
At the end of July my back started hurting really bad. It hurt so much I couldn’t get out of bed or off the couch when I made it there. I finally broke down and went to the ER where they diagnosed me as having severe inflammation and prescribed me with a steroidal z-pac which I started that day. I slept like a baby for 5 days and then I thought I was losing my mind. For some reason the steroids and my mind didn’t want to play nice. Even though I felt better than I had in my entire life my mind was bursting at the seams. I had to quit taking them before the last pill it got so bad. Even though the drug made me feel weird, I felt good! My body did not hurt no pain, no ache. I could move to the right, left, bend over, and raise my arms… amazing!
This wonderful feeling lasted 3 months. No gut pain, no back pain just an ethereal feeling of calm. Then the pain returned. In October my doc gave me another round of steroids and so the Steroid Rollercoaster began. I didn’t want to be on these but the relief it gave me offset the potential side effects.
I began to notice my fatigue level was increasing but never really thought it was an issue until I started falling asleep at my desk and nodding off on my way home from work. While doing more research I found that people with AS do have chronic fatigue which was obviously what I had. I looked for ways to remedy this and found Dr. Jacob Teitelbaum’s website endfatigue.com. A well thought out website but it was for Fibromyalgia. I was pretty sure I didn’t have this but after taking his free assessment I did possibly have chronic fatigue. He gives recommendations and what nutrients to take so of course I ordered them.
One week on Dr. Ts Energy Revitalization drink mix I was sleeping much better and had more energy than I had in a long time. Now that I fixed that problem, I can surely fix my other problems right?
By the end of 2011 new problems arose. Seem like my irritable bowel had turned into ulcerative colitis, of course I had no ideas what that was and off I went to do more research. Of course what do I find, something else related to my AS, why am I not surprised. What else is going to come along because of my “widdle” friend AS?
I was missing a lot of work, my gut wasn’t happy the NSAID weren’t working and the pain in my back was getting worse. What the hell was I doing wrong? Did I really deserve this? Am I paying for another life’s Karma? Of course there were good days but now the bad days were outnumbering the good. I spent more days than not in pain and couldn’t figure out why, and the docs were not any help at all. Can life get any worse?
The year from HELL…